Goal Setting
In order to have direction in
life, we need vision of where we want to go and set goals to get there. Goal
setting is the difference between wishing for something to happen and making it
happen. There are several benefits of setting goals:
- Keeps us on track
- Forces us to establish a
direction
- Improves our self-esteem as we
achieve small accomplishments along the way
- Makes us aware of our
weaknesses
- Makes us aware of our
strengths
- Brings to mind past victories,
which energizes our present state of mind
- Defines reality and separates
it from wishful thinking
- Sets a standard for our decision-making process
Stages of Change
Change is a process, and setbacks are part of the process. Remember, “you have not failed until you quit trying!” Don’t give up!
Tenacity While Achieving our Goals
Change takes time. Achieving goals will be a process. Because set-backs are expected, persistence is an essential ingredient to success. Lyle Wildes says,“(let) go of
setbacks and (accept) them as temporary, rather than dwelling on them as if
they are permanent. In fact, something that appears to be failure is often a
step along the road to success.”
“If at First You Don’t Succeed, You’re in Excellent Company”. This article gives
several inspiring examples of overcoming setbacks and disappointments. When you find yourself struggling, remember
that success if often just around the corner.
Tenacity through Life’s
Detours
“It
is more useful to think of a meaningful life as a journey that unfolds before
us. It is smart to have a map to guide our trip, but it is also smart to be
prepared for detours, surprises and beautiful vistas that do not appear on the
map. Setting a goal is like creating our own personal map.” --Lyle Wildes
While it is important to
set goals, we also must be flexible for life’s surprises. Each of us will
experience life’s “peaks and valleys” -- times of success, and times of adversity. In the workshop we discussed one Mother's inspiring
story of raising handicap children. Though all of our life challenges will be different, we can learn
from her inspiring example. She overcame her valleys with tenacity and
optimism. We too can reach our life goals despite our personal life trials. Welcometo Holland Story
Martin Seligman’s Learned optimism
The benefits of an optimistic outlook are many: Optimists are
higher achievers and have better overall health. Pessimism, on the other hand,
is much more common; pessimists are more likely to give up in the face of
adversity or to suffer from depression. Seligman invites
pessimists to learn to be optimists by thinking about their reactions to
adversity in a new way.
Three P’s to thinking more
positively during adversity
Permanence: Optimistic people believe bad events to be more
temporary than permanent and bounce back quickly from failure, whereas others
may take longer periods to recover or may never recover. They also believe good
things happen for reasons that are permanent, rather than seeing the transient
nature of positive events. Optimists point to specific temporary causes for
negative events; pessimists point to permanent causes.
Pervasiveness: Optimistic people compartmentalize
helplessness, whereas pessimistic people assume that failure in one area of
life means failure in life as a whole. Optimistic people also allow good events
to brighten every area of their lives rather than just the particular area in
which the event occurred.
Personalization: Optimists blame bad events on causes outside of
themselves, whereas pessimists blame themselves for events that occur.
Optimists are therefore generally more confident. Optimists also quickly
internalize positive events while pessimists externalize them.
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Goal Setting &
Self-Esteem
What is self esteem? Self-esteem is having confidence in one's own worth
or abilities; self-respect; positive regard for yourself; feelings of
worthiness. Self-esteem is different than self-worth. Your personal worth is
great and it never changes. What you think about your worth,
however, does fluctuate. We must be careful not to tie our self-esteem to
external factors, such as job position, relationship status, income level, and
so on. These external factors are unstable, and thus builds your feelings of
self-respect on a shaky foundation. Positive self-esteem is independent of
those external factors. It is when you come to realize your great worth and
love yourself.
Self-esteem
is closely tied with self-efficacy, which is our confidence in our ability to
carry out actions. As we strive towards our goals, we will increase our
feelings of self-efficacy and consequently improve our feelings of self-esteem.
Lyle Wildes says that
self-esteem ties in with humility, service, and respect.
Self-esteem &
Humility
“Strong self-esteem and meaningful living have their roots in
humility...True humility is not the same as humiliation. While small, our place
in the universe still has meaning. In other words, healthy self-esteem requires
the humility of balance-- living without either grandiosity or self-abasement.”
--Lyle Wildes
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It
is thinking of yourself less.” --C.S. Lewis
Self-esteem &
Service
“Self-esteem grows through true, selfless
service to people--including to ourselves. Such service is totally in our
control, which means that our self-esteem is also in our control.”
-- Lyle Wildes
One study found that “those who gave social
support to others had lower rates of mortality than those who did not, even
when controlling for socioeconomic status, education, marital status, age,
gender, and ethnicity” (Brown et al., 2005).
Self-esteem &
Respect (for ourselves and
others)
Wildes also talks about how self-esteem is
related to respect, and how we need to respect other and ourselves. As we are
striving to improve all dimensions of our health, that is self-respect!
Consequently you will feel better about yourself.
Videos
A cute reminder that
“you can do anything good!” There is something powerful about saying positive
affirmations aloud. Though you may feel silly, say some daily affirmations
aloud to yourself today.
You have great potential
to do something amazing today! “So get to it!”
If you would like a
WORKBOOK, please email us at ucwell4life@gmail.com and we will send you a copy. We will also have extras
at our next workshop on February 11th. Hope to see you there!
